relative happiness

No one knows what will make people happy in the end.
Even so I could live a happy life, I think so now.
I've never known such a big feeling in my heart.
I was so in love with him. I couldn't help myself.

Ten years ago...
A big boy appeared in my life.
Though I don't remember his first impressions, somehow one day I was charmed by him.
We had been going out between a long distance for a short time.

About seven years later...
We met again and enjoyed loaches cooked in a pottery casserole.
Don't you think it's without atmosphere?
But I was charmed by him intensely again.
Reminiscing while looking at pictures with him, loaches in our stomaches might connect us.
After graduation, I got a job in a small town of loaches.

And last summer...
I went to Tokyo on business, and met him again.
No motter how distant it was between us, I just had to get back together again.
He readily consented to my selfish proposal.

42 days...
It has been 1 year and 13 days since we went out with each other.
How many do you think the days we spent with: 42 days in about 1 year.
Even if I couldn't meet him when I wanted, e-mails from him and his voice through a phone were emotional supports.
I appreciate all the thoughtfulness he gave me.

Last fall...
Something had snowballed and my physical condition (maybe mental too) started to collapse.
I was absent from work sometimes because of bad condition.
I suffer from automatic imbalance.
It's hard to tell the symptom, I feel like to have a bomb in my stomach.

When I'm sad, tired, painful and in other bad conditions, he was special and who supported me first.
He gave me warm hearts.

I wonder if I could support him.
I wonder if he felt happy with me.
Recently he has been surely disgusted by my manner.
I hate myself.

Person can't become a new person easily.
I want to become a person who cares the feelings of others.
What's the best thing???

I really appreciate what he has done for me.
Thank you so much.